In a recent letter sent to the popular Ask Amy advice column, a concerned mother sought guidance on an escalating family dispute that emerged from a wedding invitation controversy. The situation unfolded when her politically progressive daughter expressed discomfort with inviting her conservative uncle, “Dave,” to the wedding due to ideological differences. The mother, feeling torn, ultimately decided to honor her daughter’s request and extended the controversial exclusion to her brother.
“Four months before my daughter’s wedding, she told me that her uncle (my brother, “Dave”) would make her feel unsafe if he was a guest. She asked me not to invite him,” a mother wrote to the advice columnist. “My daughter is very politically progressive, as are many of her friends, and although she and Dave have always had a good relationship (I thought), he is a conservative voter and has supported candidates we all abhor.”
According to the letter, the decision to exclude Uncle Dave was met with surprise as he had always been amicable and supportive. Nevertheless, he respected the decision and declined to attend the wedding without offering any objection. However, the aftermath of the exclusion has further deepened the divide within the family.
The mother expressed disappointment that Uncle Dave has not reached out since the wedding and has not provided a customary monetary gift. In the past, he had generously gifted family members with checks exceeding $1,000 for their weddings. This perceived breach of tradition has left the mother feeling upset and embarrassed.
“Dave has not sent my daughter and son-in-law a wedding gift. In the past, Dave has given family members wedding checks in excess of $1,000. She says she was counting on receiving the same type of gift.”
The mother said, ”Dave’s behavior is upsetting and embarrassing to me.”
Advice columnist Amy Dickinson, while acknowledging the bride’s right to invite whomever she feels comfortable with, critiqued the mother’s conduct in sending photos of the wedding to Uncle Dave, thereby emphasizing his absence. Dickinson deemed such behavior “shockingly improper” and admonished the mother for attempting to seek financial recompense from a guest she consciously excluded.
The columnist recounted, “Let’s recap: Your delicate daughter is too frightened to be near a conservative voter to allow her uncle ‘Dave’ to attend her wedding. She then asks you to do her dirty work for her, and (of course) you do!”
The columnist urged the mother to reconsider her stance, noting that Uncle Dave’s silence and avoidance were in accordance with her daughter’s wishes. She encouraged the mother to courageously address the issue with her daughter, highlighting that the “Bank of Uncle Dave” would remain closed to their branch of the family.
“It’s your second ‘problem; which I believe will enter the Bridezilla Hall of Infamy. In short: Brides who are too afraid of family members to invite them to a family wedding don’t then get the pleasure of receiving their money,” Dickinson wrote. “You seem almost as afraid of your daughter as she is of your brother, but I hope you’ll find a way to courageously tell her that the Bank of Uncle Dave is closed, at least to your branch of the family.”
“So far, your silent brother is the only family member who is behaving appropriately. He’s steering clear, which is exactly what you have asked him to do,” Dickinson wrote.
The situation quickly drew attention on social media platforms, with users offering their perspectives on the matter. User Jayhawkjenn characterized the incident as emblematic of “entitled Leftists.” Another user, Tweettee, sarcastically suggested that progressive Gen Z individuals not only sought exclusion but also expected financial assistance for their loans.
https://t.co/P3Nh6Hc9FQ
AMUSING. Bride refuses to invite her otherwise decent, but politically conservative uncle to her wedding because it would make her feel “unsafe”.Then she whines that she didn’t get a gift from normally generous uncle.@SteveBellow @petermoskos
— Spuds “Reprehensible Tweets” McKenzie (@AyeRishPirate) June 30, 2023
